i think i've learned that i really do try to prevent myself from being hurt; not that people usually don't but i never realised this of myself.
earlier today, we were talking about dating to marry; or rather the opposite, acknowledging that your relationship won't progress into the far future, and therefore, setting a "deadline" on the relationship... or at least that's how i interpreted it. when people say they are dating to marry, it usually means they can see the person in their future, even if they might not be the one that they marry. i guess the couple in question haven't set a deadline on their relationship, but to me, even acknowlegding that it won't progress far or hmmm like acknowledging that it will end one day soon is very strange. not that they are doing it of course, i'll get more into that later, but moreso the fact that i could never picture myself being in that situation. and i know that if i ever was, in my mind, i would not wish that to be the outcome of the relationship. ideally i would picture a life forever with them? idk
i guess that's how i see most relationships i have right now. all my friendships at this time, or i guess the ones i care more for, or spend more time putting my energy towards, i would say i cannot see our friendship ending necessarily. of course it could, i'm not denying that, but because it is uncertain, it seems silly to think of it ending. i can only see them ending in one of two ways;
- drifting apart
- a big disagreement pulling us apart
maybe there is a secret third option but i cannot think of it at this time. nevertheless, these endings are things that cannot be predicted, unless it'll happen in the near future, and in that way, i feel as if there is no "deadline" put on the relationships i have. yes they could end any time, but i'm not wasting my time creating such strong bonds and memories with people. that isn't to say that i care less to lose the relationships i put less effort into, but that's where it differs between platonic and romantic relationships -- or at least i'd think so.
i would imagine that being in a romantic relationship would mean that i'm essentially with someone who would be my best friend platonically while also sharing a deep romantic connection. in that way, i feel like the same 2 options discussed above applies, whereas for friends who are not as close or more of an aquantaince, i can see us drifting apart (which is kinda like how i said that its not predictable unless it's happening in near future, and in my case, i'm saying this as i graduate soon, so i won't have as much time to spend with said people, to expand our connection ? idk if this makes sense).
okay i got a bit distracted but all of this is to say that, i don't think i could ever see myself in a situation where i agree to put so much energy into one person, if i know that they don't see our relationship developing into much, or existing in the far future (which i assume marriage implies, not necessarily the wedding, but being lifelong partners). i think i'd only want to delve into a relationship with someone i can for sure see in my near future at least, and hope that theyre in my far future too -- someone who seems like it would make sense for them to be in my far future. of course, if it doesn't end up like that, it would be okay, but having those intentions, i think, would be important to me.
i think the "to me" part is important to emphasise. this is all a very subjective outlook on this; not just subjective, but naive of me to even talk so much about this. but i do think it is interesting to think about. i feel as if the main part of this is that both people should be on the same page, regardless of what their belief is. if the intentions from both parties are the exact same, at least to start with (you never know how things will develop) then you wouldn't encounter many problems surrounding that.
also need to clarify that love and developing feelings for someone is definitely not optional, but i do think that it is a choice to develop the relationship from the initial feelings. for me, i think it would be worse to put so much energy into someone just to know that the relationship would only last a year or 2, or at least thats what both parties intended to start with. even if you regretted that choice at the start, you never know if the other person's mind changed too. but anyways it would feel worse as it's not just breaking off the connection with the initial "crush", but also all the memories and connection built after that. i'd rather not develop a relationship and prevent that, as it would make it so much more sad and harder to recover if i experienced so much with them, rather than just ending it before it starts. i guess i do lose the opportunity to experience any romantic relationship at all with them, but i would think it is a risk that i would take.
interestingly, it is not the same for everyone, but i definitely see their point! why not have fun for as long as you can with them? make use of the time that you do have, and then deal with the consequences later.
i think by hearing that, i learnt that i tend to try prevent "bad" outcomes happening to me; in this context, but also others. this sounds silly but i think my emetophobia ties into this. i stop myself from doing things just to prevent myself from being sick/vomiting. or even when watching movies, sometimes i will overthink it and not watch, as i don't want to end up being in a bad mood, even though when i do end up watching sad movies, although they do make me sad, i end up enjoying them so much. they never even like ruin my mood so idk why i think in this way.
please comment your thoughts >_<
xoxo,
shreya
